Easter weekend - filled with food, fun & family. Egg coloring, egg hunts, candy, Easter baskets, getting together with family, getting dressed up for church - all a part of the fun Easter weekend. Unless you lived in our house this weekend!
It began Friday in the early morning hours, somewhere around 1:00am - Averley is crying. I go & nurse her back to sleep, back to bed I go. 2:15am - Averley is crying. I go & nurse her back to sleep, back to bed I go. 3:15am - Averley is crying. I go in to give her her pacifier, she's burning up. I go get the Tylenol, give her a dose, nurse her back to sleep. I'm exhausted at this point. She wakes up again at 6:30am - still very warm. Declan wakes up with a cough & a slight fever. And so it begins.....
Friday:
Declan starts out with diarrhea & a temp of 100.4. Averley has a temp of 101.5. This day wasn't too bad, Averley slept quite a bit but Declan only napped for an hour.
Friday night into Saturday morning:
Kids are in bed by 8pm. Declan sleeps through the night with the occasional cough disturbing his slumber - but ends up sleeping 13 hours. Averley is up so many times throughout the night I lost count. At one point Ryan is up with her for an hour as she sleeps on his chest until the dishwasher that was on a delayed start turns on & wakes her up. Ryan had stripped her down to just her diaper because she was so hot - when the dishwasher woke up her he noticed she had pooped & it had gotten all over his shirt, pants, the couch & her. Diarrhea. Yuck. I wake up & take over to give him a break. Throughout the night we just keep rotating each time she would wake up.
Saturday:
We called the pediatrician's office & found they were actually open! Declan had acquired a croupy cough & Averley's temp topped out at 102, Declan's at 101.4. We took the kids to the doctor around 10:30am. Ears look fine, breathing sounds ok, throats look good - only thing is they are running this fever, have diarrhea & Declan's cough. We were told they more than likely have a virus that hits children across the nation around this time of year. They had seen a lot of it that week (along with strep throat). They gave us a prescription for a steroid for Declan to help with the inflammation of his vocal cords & told us to continue what we were doing. Gave us some things to look for in case they didn't get better but for the most part we just have to wait out the virus.
Saturday night into Sunday morning:
Declan slept through the night again. Averley was up around 2am, I gave her some Tylenol, then she was up again at 3:15 for an hour with Ryan, again at 5:30am with me - at this time she actually fell asleep in my arms while I was rocking her. I tried to sleep in the chair in her room with her but it was just way too uncomfortable. I put her down, she wakes up but I leave the room. I guess she fell asleep because I didn't wake up again until 7:30am.
Sunday:
Oh man - today was the culmination of lack of sleep for everyone. I don't know if there was a point during this day that Declan was not whining about something. But it wasn't his fault....he was over tired. We had Easter lunch at Ryan's Aunt's house at 1pm - only we didn't actually eat until 1:45pm. Had we known lunch was going to be LATE we would have stayed home a while longer & let the kids take a nap. Declan was so tired he didn't even want to eat - would have much rather cried. Poor guy. They both fell asleep on the car ride over but woke up as soon as we opened the van doors. By the time we got home at 2:30 both kids were exhausted, crying & I was at my wits end. I was frustrated that we weren't given a heads up about the late lunch, I was tired from lack of asleep, I was annoyed by all the crying - I needed a nap myself. Thankfully Ryan was okay with my taking that much needed nap. I slept for about 2 hours - I probably could have slept longer if I didn't feel a little guilty about taking that nap.
My side of the family was having Easter dinner at my brother's house - I drove over to drop off a broccoli casserole & pick up some left overs for us. I called everyone in the house & not one person answered the phone....I was already feeling sorry for myself & then nobody answering their phone just made me even more sad. By the time I got there I was about ready to crack. My mom, sister & nephew met me at the door & I was so into how awful my whole weekend had been that I couldn't even crack a smile & say Happy Easter to my nephew. Ridiculous! I couldn't even really make eye contact with anyone or I would have burst into tears right there. I got hugs from my mom & sister, grabbed my food & left.
I let it out on the drive home - I let myself cry. I didn't realize how not being with my family on a holiday made me feel. Just thinking about how much fun they were having while I was at home with crabby, sick kids. Then I started feeling sorry for myself again. Pathetic!
I was so thankful when the kids went to bed - EARLY! I don't think I could have taken much more. I'm certain there will be more days/weekends/holidays just like this one & patience for these trying times probably comes over time. I am so thankful the weekend is over.
It is now Monday - Averley woke up with no fever. Declan is still crabby but I am putting that on the steroids he is taking, which this is the last day for them.
I'm sure nobody really cares to read my hour by hour weekend, haha - but this is really more to have documentation than anything. Some day the kids can read this & see everything they have put us through! haha :)~ I love my kids!
April 25, 2011
April 21, 2011
So many thoughts.....
Well, its been a while since I last posted. The reason being - I've been busy. In all of my free time I have been working on a secret project that still has to remain a secret until I finish it. I will post pictures as soon as it is finished. What kind of project you may ask? Well, that is a secret too. If I tell you what kind of project it will give it away. So - look for my big reveal in a few weeks. YES - it is/has taken me this long to work on it & get it finished!
On to my next thought: Breastfeeding!
A while ago I blogged about the struggles I have had with breastfeeding. How I didn't really enjoy it & it was just difficult for me so I moved on to pumping & feeding from a bottle except at night. About a month after that post I met with someone & she talked to me about the importance of having the baby at the breast & the little extra stuff that happens with the baby's saliva & some other stuff I don't really remember.
So, I went home & tried it again. I grabbed Averley, sat down on the couch & attempted the dreaded task of breastfeeding that I just didn't enjoy. Averley latched on like it was nothing & we had the best breastfeeding experience ever. HALLELUJAH! As long as she continues to latch on so easily & nurses well I am DONE pumping!
Two months later & we are still exclusively breastfeeding....AND ENJOYING IT! I get it now - I get how a mother & child has that bonding time. I get why some mom's don't want to give up that night time feeding. I get how personal it is. I get how mom's love breastfeeding. It took me this long but I SO get it now.
Nursing Averley to sleep at night, watching her eyes slowly shut, listening to her cute little hums as she drifts into sleep, her arm flailing around like a crazy lady praising Jesus & then it smacking onto my chest leaving a little red hand print, her cold hands on my warm skin, her tiny sharp fingernails scratching places that I don't want scratched as she kneads my boob trying to get the milk faster, our eyes locked onto each other - I smile at her, she grins at me as milk dribbles out the sides of her mouth. I love it...I love it all. Why did I miss out on this in the beginning?? It is so beautiful!
On to my other thoughts......
Declan & his ABC's!
Declan is beginning to repeat letters & it is SO stinkin' cute. Watching the way he moves his cute little mouth to form the letters is something I could watch all day. When he says 'O' his little lips move to one side of his mouth & his sweet little voice sounds adorable. He loves the letter 'T' & 'O' - he will find those 2 letters on our fridge magnets & bring them to me.
He has also added a few more words to his vocabulary. He now says pawpaw for Grampa (yes, I know that is spelled wrong but that is what it is!). He says 'Bell' for Annabelle. We think he said Ashton today too....not sure though :)
He is at the most fun age right now. Wrestling around, cuddling, dancing, wanting to be independent. Loves to be outside when the weather permits. SO very much looking forward to the summer.
Averley
She is a rolling machine - which frustrates her to no end because she sometimes isn't wanting to roll but crawl & instead...she flops over onto her back. Then she cries out of frustration. Its pretty funny. She will be on her belly, pull her legs in, butt up in the air & then for some reason will start to go onto her side & then FLOP, onto her back. She's almost there - it wont be long & she will be crawling all over the place.
We are going to start feeding her some table food as long as what we are having can be "gummed" :) She loves shoving those little puffs into her mouth by the handful & ate a graham cracker today pretty well. Maybe its time for little pieces of food!
I think that's all for now - hopefully I will be able to write more often if I can get all the kids down for naps at the same time like I did today! Woohoo!
On to my next thought: Breastfeeding!
A while ago I blogged about the struggles I have had with breastfeeding. How I didn't really enjoy it & it was just difficult for me so I moved on to pumping & feeding from a bottle except at night. About a month after that post I met with someone & she talked to me about the importance of having the baby at the breast & the little extra stuff that happens with the baby's saliva & some other stuff I don't really remember.
So, I went home & tried it again. I grabbed Averley, sat down on the couch & attempted the dreaded task of breastfeeding that I just didn't enjoy. Averley latched on like it was nothing & we had the best breastfeeding experience ever. HALLELUJAH! As long as she continues to latch on so easily & nurses well I am DONE pumping!
Two months later & we are still exclusively breastfeeding....AND ENJOYING IT! I get it now - I get how a mother & child has that bonding time. I get why some mom's don't want to give up that night time feeding. I get how personal it is. I get how mom's love breastfeeding. It took me this long but I SO get it now.
Nursing Averley to sleep at night, watching her eyes slowly shut, listening to her cute little hums as she drifts into sleep, her arm flailing around like a crazy lady praising Jesus & then it smacking onto my chest leaving a little red hand print, her cold hands on my warm skin, her tiny sharp fingernails scratching places that I don't want scratched as she kneads my boob trying to get the milk faster, our eyes locked onto each other - I smile at her, she grins at me as milk dribbles out the sides of her mouth. I love it...I love it all. Why did I miss out on this in the beginning?? It is so beautiful!
On to my other thoughts......
Declan & his ABC's!
Declan is beginning to repeat letters & it is SO stinkin' cute. Watching the way he moves his cute little mouth to form the letters is something I could watch all day. When he says 'O' his little lips move to one side of his mouth & his sweet little voice sounds adorable. He loves the letter 'T' & 'O' - he will find those 2 letters on our fridge magnets & bring them to me.
He has also added a few more words to his vocabulary. He now says pawpaw for Grampa (yes, I know that is spelled wrong but that is what it is!). He says 'Bell' for Annabelle. We think he said Ashton today too....not sure though :)
He is at the most fun age right now. Wrestling around, cuddling, dancing, wanting to be independent. Loves to be outside when the weather permits. SO very much looking forward to the summer.
Averley
She is a rolling machine - which frustrates her to no end because she sometimes isn't wanting to roll but crawl & instead...she flops over onto her back. Then she cries out of frustration. Its pretty funny. She will be on her belly, pull her legs in, butt up in the air & then for some reason will start to go onto her side & then FLOP, onto her back. She's almost there - it wont be long & she will be crawling all over the place.
We are going to start feeding her some table food as long as what we are having can be "gummed" :) She loves shoving those little puffs into her mouth by the handful & ate a graham cracker today pretty well. Maybe its time for little pieces of food!
I think that's all for now - hopefully I will be able to write more often if I can get all the kids down for naps at the same time like I did today! Woohoo!
March 28, 2011
"Dai of Hope"
This past Saturday - March 26th - our family was able to be a part of a wonderful event called "A Dai of Hope - Adaila Roach Benefit Concert". Adaila is the 5 1/2 year old daughter of a good friend of mine & faces a multitude of health struggles. Her mom, Megan, is who I have to thank for my relationship with Jesus Christ. She was the first person who invited me to church when I moved from Muncie to Indianapolis. It was her & her family who kept me involved in the church & were my mentors as I went through my teenage years.
I almost feel indebted to Megan & her family because I don't know where I would be in my life had they not taken the time to care about my salvation. Being a part of this concert that will help pay for Adaila's medical bills & give her family one less thing they have to worry about so they can focus fully on Adaila (& their family) is the least I can do.
The whole day was so emotional. There were lots of fun things to do, great bands, artists & groups performing, vendor booths, silent auctions, food - wherever you looked you could find things to do. There was always that "thing", though, that we all knew why we were there. The whole day was dedicated to a brave & strong 5 1/2 year old who has gone through more than most of us have gone through in our 20, 30, 40 years of life. That is what made it so emotional.
During the event they had a Father/Daughter dance where Adaila's dad, Dustin, held his beautiful Princess Adaila & danced to the song "The Climb". It was an emotional dance & "strong" me held back my tears - then I looked over at Megan's dad (Adaila's grandpa).....I lost it. Don doesn't hold back his tears, and really, who could when you know how much your grandchild goes through on a daily basis but still has a beautiful smile on her face. Goodness, I'm crying right now just thinking about it!
I was chatting with Megan at one point during the event & she was talking to me about some pictures that were posted on some of the collages put together for the event. As she talked about some of the pictures of her baby girl from the many times she was hospitalized her eyes welled up & as a single tear dropped out of her left eye, I felt that thing in my throat...I held it back, swallowed it back down. My heart ached for her & I so wanted to wrap my arms around her & just hold her but then I would have lost it & we would have been a sobbing mess.
I don't know what else to say about this amazing little girl, Adaila, or about the event except she is just amazing, beautiful & strong & the event was amazing, wonderful & successful. Adaila is a blessing to every person she comes into contact with & redefines the definition of "strong" - you don't know "strong" until you meet this little girl.
If you want to be a part of blessing Adaila you can still donate at this site: http://neccindy.org/?page_id=280
You can also check out this site to read more about Adaila's health issues from the "Letter from Dad": http://www.orgsites.com/in/daiofhope/index.html
Thank you Adaila for showing me the beauty of God in the eyes of a child. I love you & thank you for being such a blessing to all of us.
March 9, 2011
MmmaaAAA.....MmmAaaa!!!
After many, many, MANY months of dadadada dada da da dadadada..dada? dada? dada? dada! DADA! FINALLY Declan has learned to say mama. We have been working with him a lot on his words since he doesn't talk much yet but 'mama' was the 1st priority, of course. The funny thing is how he says it. He is so proud of himself when he says it, mostly because I just beam with excitement every time I hear it come out of his mouth - it always takes me a minute to realize what he just said since I'm not used to hearing it. But he will say it, and its not just a plain old, "mama" - its Declan's own, unique way of saying my name. It mostly sounds like 'maw' or 'maaah' with an 'a' that sounds like how you say apple. Its hilarious & as often as he says it now, when I'm sitting next to him, when I walk out of the room, when I'm on the toilet, you get the point I sometimes wish he didn't know how to say it! haha - not really, but it is kind of funny to hear him say 'maah!!'
He's also added 'cheese' to his vocabulary. His words are coming along, although slow, but he's getting there. I think he is just making sure he knows what everything is before he really starts putting them into words.
Declan does this sound - its almost like his "yes" when we ask him a question & he wants to do it or wants a certain food we asked him about. It is the cutest thing ever because his face lights up, he makes the sound & the shape of his mouth when he says it just makes me smile. He is so darn cute - I love him to pieces!!!
He's also added 'cheese' to his vocabulary. His words are coming along, although slow, but he's getting there. I think he is just making sure he knows what everything is before he really starts putting them into words.
Declan does this sound - its almost like his "yes" when we ask him a question & he wants to do it or wants a certain food we asked him about. It is the cutest thing ever because his face lights up, he makes the sound & the shape of his mouth when he says it just makes me smile. He is so darn cute - I love him to pieces!!!
March 3, 2011
Sick kids - Tired parents :(
It all started with a cough on Saturday, February 26th. That cough turned into sneezing, runny nose, more cough - by Tuesday Declan had a 103.5 fever. Averley had started with the cough, sneezing & runny nose as well but no fever.
We rotated Tylenol & Ibuprofen all day Tuesday, by the end of the day he was running around like he was fine. You could tell he wasn't though - he still had that puffy face & glossy eye look about him. He went to bed that night with a temp of 99.4.
Averley....she was having many issues with sleeping that night. Her cough was waking her up, she was choking on her saliva, snot was running down her nose, she was a mess. Her & I camped out on the couch all night since the only way she was able to fall asleep was laying on my chest. By midnight I ended up stripping us both down so we could do some skin to skin & give her easy access to the human pacifier. I was hoping that would soothe her at least a little. That night I got less sleep than I did in the first few weeks of having a newborn. I was exhausted & so was Averley.
By mid-day Wednesday, Averley was such a mess she just cried for an hour. She couldn't sleep, she was exhausted, coughing constantly, crying because it hurt to cough, on and on and on. At one point I cried with her - I felt terrible. I'm the mommy, I'm suppose to be able to heal everything, to make my children feel better, that is my job, my duty - I couldn't. I felt so helpless & hurt for my baby girl. Not to mention I was very sleep deprived.
Ryan finally called the doctor & set up an appointment for both kids Thursday morning. Thursday night went a little better, but Averley was still up more than she normally is. She actually puked from coughing so hard when Ryan was up with her. She slept from 7pm-10:30pm, went back to sleep around 11pm, back up at 1am from coughing but put herself back to sleep. Up again around 1:30am from coughing, put herself back to sleep. Woke up again at 3am to eat, diaper change, back asleep at 3:40am. Up at 5am - went back to sleep at some point (Ryan had her) then woke back up at 5:45am. I was able to catch up on a little bit of sleep until 7:15am but I am still exhausted.
The doctor visit went better than expected - Declan does not have the flu, but does have an ear infection & bad cold/cough. We are treating it with antibiotics, benadryl, Ibuprofen & honey. Averley has a bad cough/cold & is teething....can't really do much for her except try to soothe her as much as we can.
I do have a Baltic Amber teething necklace in the mail - really excited for that to come in & see if it works as well as everyone says they do. It can't get here soon enough!!!!!!!!!!
Pray for this house....we are all so tired & on edge.
We rotated Tylenol & Ibuprofen all day Tuesday, by the end of the day he was running around like he was fine. You could tell he wasn't though - he still had that puffy face & glossy eye look about him. He went to bed that night with a temp of 99.4.
Averley....she was having many issues with sleeping that night. Her cough was waking her up, she was choking on her saliva, snot was running down her nose, she was a mess. Her & I camped out on the couch all night since the only way she was able to fall asleep was laying on my chest. By midnight I ended up stripping us both down so we could do some skin to skin & give her easy access to the human pacifier. I was hoping that would soothe her at least a little. That night I got less sleep than I did in the first few weeks of having a newborn. I was exhausted & so was Averley.
By mid-day Wednesday, Averley was such a mess she just cried for an hour. She couldn't sleep, she was exhausted, coughing constantly, crying because it hurt to cough, on and on and on. At one point I cried with her - I felt terrible. I'm the mommy, I'm suppose to be able to heal everything, to make my children feel better, that is my job, my duty - I couldn't. I felt so helpless & hurt for my baby girl. Not to mention I was very sleep deprived.
Ryan finally called the doctor & set up an appointment for both kids Thursday morning. Thursday night went a little better, but Averley was still up more than she normally is. She actually puked from coughing so hard when Ryan was up with her. She slept from 7pm-10:30pm, went back to sleep around 11pm, back up at 1am from coughing but put herself back to sleep. Up again around 1:30am from coughing, put herself back to sleep. Woke up again at 3am to eat, diaper change, back asleep at 3:40am. Up at 5am - went back to sleep at some point (Ryan had her) then woke back up at 5:45am. I was able to catch up on a little bit of sleep until 7:15am but I am still exhausted.
The doctor visit went better than expected - Declan does not have the flu, but does have an ear infection & bad cold/cough. We are treating it with antibiotics, benadryl, Ibuprofen & honey. Averley has a bad cough/cold & is teething....can't really do much for her except try to soothe her as much as we can.
I do have a Baltic Amber teething necklace in the mail - really excited for that to come in & see if it works as well as everyone says they do. It can't get here soon enough!!!!!!!!!!
Pray for this house....we are all so tired & on edge.
February 15, 2011
Pee Pee tales.....& other fun stuff :)
The other night we were getting the kids ready for bath time. Ryan had the bath water running, Declan was in the tub & I was holding naked Averley while Ryan got things ready to lay Averley in the tub. Apparently Ryan took too long because all of a sudden I felt warmth on my arm/wrist that dribbled down onto my socks. Lucky me - I got peed on. As Ryan sat there laughing at the situation I remembered the time he got "sprayed" when Declan was a baby:
That was pretty funny stuff when it happened :) Ryan's giggles soon turned around on him when later on after bath time Declan gave him another nice spray! We have a little bit of diaper free time before bed time & I guess Declan had his diaper off for too long. All of a sudden Ryan feels warmth on his foot - Thank you Declan for letting mommy have a good laugh! The siblings ganged up on the parents already at this young age.
Being able to stay home with my kids is so rewarding & so much fun! Its something new every day that makes me smile. Today Declan went pee pee on the potty all on his own. He wanted his diaper off and he sat down on the potty. Nothing happened the first 5 times he sat down but he finally went pee pee after about 20 minutes of diaper free time. We did our little reward dance & clapped. It was so great. Then 5 minutes later he peed on his toy car & then really let it go soon after that all over the couch, floor & his foot. He cried about that, haha. Its just another day of fun cleaning up pee!
Declan was full of cuteness today. What was suppose to be nap time turned into babbling at who knows what in his crib & JUMPING in his crib! I caught him actually jumping in his crib - hilarious to open up his bedroom door to see him up in the air and land on his little tush grinning ear to ear.
After getting him out of his trampoline...err...crib, he proceeded to copy me as I got on my tip-toes to see out the top of the front door. He walked up to the door, put his hands on it just like I did, got on his tip-toes & lifted his chin up just like I did to try to peer out the window. Of course, he is WAY too little to even come close to seeing out the window but it was so stinkin' cute. I love him!!
It is so fun watching Declan interact with Averley - he is always bringing her toys & its even better watching him try to give her the pacifier. He does everything he can to try to get it in her mouth. I'll have to load the video up later, so cute!
Yesterday - Valentine's Day - I got a special treat! Getting to see Averley roll back-to-belly for the first time! Ryan got that special honor with Declan so it was nice to be able to experience this "first" first :) Today she was just a rolling machine. There was no keeping her on the play mat - she just wanted to roll & roll. She also tried bananas today. This is her second food - she first tried avocado which she seems to really like. Bananas she liked but I don't think they sat well with her belly. I love making her food for her! That is another blog for another day!
My kids are awesome & I love every second of being with them!
That was pretty funny stuff when it happened :) Ryan's giggles soon turned around on him when later on after bath time Declan gave him another nice spray! We have a little bit of diaper free time before bed time & I guess Declan had his diaper off for too long. All of a sudden Ryan feels warmth on his foot - Thank you Declan for letting mommy have a good laugh! The siblings ganged up on the parents already at this young age.
Being able to stay home with my kids is so rewarding & so much fun! Its something new every day that makes me smile. Today Declan went pee pee on the potty all on his own. He wanted his diaper off and he sat down on the potty. Nothing happened the first 5 times he sat down but he finally went pee pee after about 20 minutes of diaper free time. We did our little reward dance & clapped. It was so great. Then 5 minutes later he peed on his toy car & then really let it go soon after that all over the couch, floor & his foot. He cried about that, haha. Its just another day of fun cleaning up pee!
Declan was full of cuteness today. What was suppose to be nap time turned into babbling at who knows what in his crib & JUMPING in his crib! I caught him actually jumping in his crib - hilarious to open up his bedroom door to see him up in the air and land on his little tush grinning ear to ear.
After getting him out of his trampoline...err...crib, he proceeded to copy me as I got on my tip-toes to see out the top of the front door. He walked up to the door, put his hands on it just like I did, got on his tip-toes & lifted his chin up just like I did to try to peer out the window. Of course, he is WAY too little to even come close to seeing out the window but it was so stinkin' cute. I love him!!
It is so fun watching Declan interact with Averley - he is always bringing her toys & its even better watching him try to give her the pacifier. He does everything he can to try to get it in her mouth. I'll have to load the video up later, so cute!
Yesterday - Valentine's Day - I got a special treat! Getting to see Averley roll back-to-belly for the first time! Ryan got that special honor with Declan so it was nice to be able to experience this "first" first :) Today she was just a rolling machine. There was no keeping her on the play mat - she just wanted to roll & roll. She also tried bananas today. This is her second food - she first tried avocado which she seems to really like. Bananas she liked but I don't think they sat well with her belly. I love making her food for her! That is another blog for another day!
My kids are awesome & I love every second of being with them!
February 12, 2011
Breastfeeding Struggles
Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is one of those topics. I've talked to people who felt so strongly about breastfeeding you would think they might call CPS on you if you decide to formula feed. There are others who don't even want to think about it as an option - they will formula feed from day one. Other women might really want to try to breastfeed but it doesn't work out for one reason or the other & they switch to formula (or supplement). Then there is me........
With Declan I tried breastfeeding - it was difficult. More difficult than I thought it would ever be. The issue was never not having a good enough milk supply - I had plenty of milk. Instead, I just didn't "enjoy" it. I want to say part of the reason was not being prepared - not knowing what to expect. I never felt that bond I had heard other mothers say they feel when they nurse their precious little babies. To me it was a job - a job only I could do and it annoyed me. Every 2-3 hours (in the beginning) I was the only person who could feed my son while everyone else could do whatever they wanted. They never had to stop what they were doing & go in the other room (if need be). They never had to get up every 2-3 hours every night for the first few weeks. They got to sleep...they got to leave the house for more than an hour...they got to do whatever they wanted without ever having a baby attached to them.
Yeah...I guess I was a bit jealous. Which is ridiculous when you think about some of the women out there who so desperately wanted to breastfeed but couldn't. How selfish of me, right? I know - I've gone through all of those feelings myself.
Sadly, I only made it 5 weeks with Declan before switching to formula. I didn't think it was "sad" at that point - I felt more of a relief than anything. I didn't feel bad (at first) - I was able to sleep at night since Ryan was able to get up & make a bottle. I thought, "This is great!" Soon after switching to formula Declan started sleeping in longer stretches which was considering "sleeping through the night."
A friend of mine had a baby just a couple days before I had Declan. As the months went on & she continued nursing while I switched to formula I started to feel more & more upset that I had given up. I felt a sense of guilt & even jealousy. She made it a year breastfeeding her child & I just gave up. Sad.
At one point I looked into how to "re-lactate" - I never knew it was even possible but apparently some women have great success with it. Soon after I researched it I found out I was pregnant again!
Here comes Averley :) I was bound & determined to make it longer than 5 weeks. If I could just get over that "hump" than it would be a bit easier. That is what I kept telling myself in those first 6 weeks of getting up ALL THE TIME!
I think Averley was around 2 months when I decided to start pumping & giving her a bottle of mommy's milk instead of exclusively nursing. I felt better knowing how much she was getting & although nursing was going fine for the most part she wasn't getting very good "nursing sessions" since I had to run around & make sure Declan was taken care of while I was nursing her. Sit down, latch on, Declan needs something, get up...oh crap she unlatched, get Declan what he needs, sit down, latch back on - what? Declan needs something else? Sorry Averley - your broken nursing session wasn't exactly what you wanted was it?
It just seemed easier to pump & feed her from a bottle - that way others can feed her if I need to do something else (there I go again..me me me). As the weeks & months went on I continued to exclusively pump. I have yet to have to supplement with formula (only because I have a supply stored in our deep freeze). I am proud of myself for making it this far. I do still nurse in the middle of the night - its just easier that way - but other than that she is fed from a bottle.
I have my struggles with pumping - especially during the days when I am babysitting 1 or 2 other kids. Trying to schedule it out so all of the kids have their needs met & I can be stationed on the couch for 15 minutes every 3-5 hours can be a bit of a task. There are days when I feel it would be so much easier if I didn't have to pump - technically, I don't. I could try to switch back to nursing that way I wouldn't have to pump, then feed. That actually takes up more of my time than it would to just nurse. But then Averley will still not get the nursing sessions she needs/deserves. With taking care of the other kids I will probably be up & running around even more than when it was just Declan.
Another option is to switch to formula. I've battled this in my own mind almost every time I pump. But then I think about how bad I felt "giving up" on Declan & I trudge through it. I think about the difference in taste from breast milk to formula - then I feel bad about that (I know...so silly). Its ridiculous, really...formula may not be AS good as breast milk, but its still pretty darn good & I sit here and feel bad about things that really don't matter. It's so silly.
In the end, I'm just going to continue to battle through for as long as I can. I've made it 5 months so far & I will just keep going 1 month at a time. My next goal is to make it to 6 months. I know I can do it - but what is important is not feeling guilty if I need to supplement for any reason. It is OKAY. It doesn't mean I love my daughter any less or that she won't be a healthy & thriving beautiful girl!
Breastfeeding is hard - Formula isn't bad - The end!
Breastfeeding is one of those topics. I've talked to people who felt so strongly about breastfeeding you would think they might call CPS on you if you decide to formula feed. There are others who don't even want to think about it as an option - they will formula feed from day one. Other women might really want to try to breastfeed but it doesn't work out for one reason or the other & they switch to formula (or supplement). Then there is me........
With Declan I tried breastfeeding - it was difficult. More difficult than I thought it would ever be. The issue was never not having a good enough milk supply - I had plenty of milk. Instead, I just didn't "enjoy" it. I want to say part of the reason was not being prepared - not knowing what to expect. I never felt that bond I had heard other mothers say they feel when they nurse their precious little babies. To me it was a job - a job only I could do and it annoyed me. Every 2-3 hours (in the beginning) I was the only person who could feed my son while everyone else could do whatever they wanted. They never had to stop what they were doing & go in the other room (if need be). They never had to get up every 2-3 hours every night for the first few weeks. They got to sleep...they got to leave the house for more than an hour...they got to do whatever they wanted without ever having a baby attached to them.
Yeah...I guess I was a bit jealous. Which is ridiculous when you think about some of the women out there who so desperately wanted to breastfeed but couldn't. How selfish of me, right? I know - I've gone through all of those feelings myself.
Sadly, I only made it 5 weeks with Declan before switching to formula. I didn't think it was "sad" at that point - I felt more of a relief than anything. I didn't feel bad (at first) - I was able to sleep at night since Ryan was able to get up & make a bottle. I thought, "This is great!" Soon after switching to formula Declan started sleeping in longer stretches which was considering "sleeping through the night."
A friend of mine had a baby just a couple days before I had Declan. As the months went on & she continued nursing while I switched to formula I started to feel more & more upset that I had given up. I felt a sense of guilt & even jealousy. She made it a year breastfeeding her child & I just gave up. Sad.
At one point I looked into how to "re-lactate" - I never knew it was even possible but apparently some women have great success with it. Soon after I researched it I found out I was pregnant again!
Here comes Averley :) I was bound & determined to make it longer than 5 weeks. If I could just get over that "hump" than it would be a bit easier. That is what I kept telling myself in those first 6 weeks of getting up ALL THE TIME!
I think Averley was around 2 months when I decided to start pumping & giving her a bottle of mommy's milk instead of exclusively nursing. I felt better knowing how much she was getting & although nursing was going fine for the most part she wasn't getting very good "nursing sessions" since I had to run around & make sure Declan was taken care of while I was nursing her. Sit down, latch on, Declan needs something, get up...oh crap she unlatched, get Declan what he needs, sit down, latch back on - what? Declan needs something else? Sorry Averley - your broken nursing session wasn't exactly what you wanted was it?
It just seemed easier to pump & feed her from a bottle - that way others can feed her if I need to do something else (there I go again..me me me). As the weeks & months went on I continued to exclusively pump. I have yet to have to supplement with formula (only because I have a supply stored in our deep freeze). I am proud of myself for making it this far. I do still nurse in the middle of the night - its just easier that way - but other than that she is fed from a bottle.
I have my struggles with pumping - especially during the days when I am babysitting 1 or 2 other kids. Trying to schedule it out so all of the kids have their needs met & I can be stationed on the couch for 15 minutes every 3-5 hours can be a bit of a task. There are days when I feel it would be so much easier if I didn't have to pump - technically, I don't. I could try to switch back to nursing that way I wouldn't have to pump, then feed. That actually takes up more of my time than it would to just nurse. But then Averley will still not get the nursing sessions she needs/deserves. With taking care of the other kids I will probably be up & running around even more than when it was just Declan.
Another option is to switch to formula. I've battled this in my own mind almost every time I pump. But then I think about how bad I felt "giving up" on Declan & I trudge through it. I think about the difference in taste from breast milk to formula - then I feel bad about that (I know...so silly). Its ridiculous, really...formula may not be AS good as breast milk, but its still pretty darn good & I sit here and feel bad about things that really don't matter. It's so silly.
In the end, I'm just going to continue to battle through for as long as I can. I've made it 5 months so far & I will just keep going 1 month at a time. My next goal is to make it to 6 months. I know I can do it - but what is important is not feeling guilty if I need to supplement for any reason. It is OKAY. It doesn't mean I love my daughter any less or that she won't be a healthy & thriving beautiful girl!
Breastfeeding is hard - Formula isn't bad - The end!
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