WE made it!

It's here - the 1st birthday of my baby girl.  Now, I know that is a celebration in itself but that isn't what this blog is about.  This blog is about 

BREASTFEEDING!

Yes - I want to celebrate the 1 year mark of breastfeeding! 

I had my struggles at first, but I was determined to battle through them.  I made it 5-6 weeks with Declan & I wasn't going to be overwhelmed this time & quit.  I knew if I took it 1 week at a time, then 1 month at a time it wouldn't seem so bad.  My first goal was to make it past 6 weeks.  Next it was 3 months - then 6 months - then 1 year.  We are here.....1 year of breastfeeding.

Of course, I did give expressed milk in a bottle to Averley but I still think that is considered breastfeeding since she still only got mommy's milk.  Some may disagree but I don't care. :)

I don't write this blog to try to make anyone feel bad.  This is strictly about me, my battles, my struggles & overcoming them all.  Yes, I am tooting my own horn....because I can & I want to.  I am PROUD to be able to say I breastfed my daughter for 1 year.  The commitment in itself can be overwhelming, then you add in daily tasks, taking care of other children, trying to take care of the house & have dinner made.  I did it!  Thank you Jesus for giving me the strength to get through each day to be able to give my daughter the best thing she could ever get.

There were so many times throughout Declan's 1st year that I felt so sad that I gave up.  I felt like I somehow disappointed him.  My friends were going strong breastfeeding their kids & I gave up.  It hurt me.  

Not this time!

It was a struggle, like everything is when you have a newborn but WE made it.  I didn't give up on her & she fought through our struggles with me.  It actually took me until she was 6 months to enjoy nursing her - 6 months!  She is now a gymnast breastfeeder!  She will latch on no matter her position as long as she can get to it she will take it!  She likes to rip at my shirt in the most improper places (like the state fair, middle of Walmart, out to dinner) - she doesn't care where we are, when she wants it, SHE WANTS IT!


We are now at the point where people ask me when I'm going to stop.  Well - I don't really have a choice in that matter.  Its up to Averley to decide when she doesn't need/want to anymore.  No - I'm not going to be nursing her until she is 6 you crazy people, but stopping at 1 year???  Its not necessary.  The AAP actually recommends breastfeeding as long as it both mutually desired. So get it out of your heads that its "gross" - cuz its not.  Many sites say a child will "self-ween" when they are ready - usually around 18 months.


We will see how it goes - one day at a time.  I'm not going to lie, it will be nice when I can be gone overnight or even just for a day & not have to worry about nursing my daughter or needing to pump.  However, I LOVE seeing her look up at me with those big blue eyes & then smiling with milk dribbling out of the side of her mouth as she giggles!

Here's to us Averley!!!  Love you baby girl!!
Happy Happy 1st Birthday!!

So many thoughts.....

Well, its been a while since I last posted.  The reason being - I've been busy.  In all of my free time I have been working on a secret project that still has to remain a secret until I finish it.  I will post pictures as soon as it is finished.  What kind of project you may ask?  Well, that is a secret too.  If I tell you what kind of project it will give it away.  So - look for my big reveal in a few weeks.  YES - it is/has taken me this long to work on it & get it finished!

On to my next thought:  Breastfeeding!

A while ago I blogged about the struggles I have had with breastfeeding.  How I didn't really enjoy it & it was just difficult for me so I moved on to pumping & feeding from a bottle except at night.  About a month after that post I met with someone & she talked to me about the importance of having the baby at the breast & the little extra stuff that happens with the baby's saliva & some other stuff I don't really remember.

So, I went home & tried it again.  I grabbed Averley, sat down on the couch & attempted the dreaded task of breastfeeding that I just didn't enjoy.  Averley latched on like it was nothing & we had the best breastfeeding experience ever.  HALLELUJAH!  As long as she continues to latch on so easily & nurses well I am DONE pumping!

Two months later & we are still exclusively breastfeeding....AND ENJOYING IT!  I get it now - I get how a mother & child has that bonding time.  I get why some mom's don't want to give up that night time feeding.  I get how personal it is.  I get how mom's love breastfeeding.  It took me this long but I SO get it now.

Nursing Averley to sleep at night, watching her eyes slowly shut, listening to her cute little hums as she drifts into sleep, her arm flailing around like a crazy lady praising Jesus & then it smacking onto my chest leaving a little red hand print, her cold hands on my warm skin, her tiny sharp fingernails scratching places that I don't want scratched as she kneads my boob trying to get the milk faster, our eyes locked onto each other - I smile at her, she grins at me as milk dribbles out the sides of her mouth.  I love it...I love it all.  Why did I miss out on this in the beginning??  It is so beautiful!


On to my other thoughts......

Declan & his ABC's!
Declan is beginning to repeat letters & it is SO stinkin' cute.  Watching the way he moves his cute little mouth to form the letters is something I could watch all day.  When he says 'O' his little lips move to one side of his mouth & his sweet little voice sounds adorable.  He loves the letter 'T' & 'O' - he will find those 2 letters on our fridge magnets & bring them to me.  


He has also added a few more words to his vocabulary.  He now says pawpaw for Grampa (yes, I know that is spelled wrong but that is what it is!).  He says 'Bell' for Annabelle.  We think he said Ashton today too....not sure though :)


He is at the most fun age right now.  Wrestling around, cuddling, dancing, wanting to be independent.  Loves to be outside when the weather permits.  SO very much looking forward to the summer.


Averley
She is a rolling machine - which frustrates her to no end because she sometimes isn't wanting to roll but crawl & instead...she flops over onto her back.  Then she cries out of frustration.  Its pretty funny.  She will be on her belly, pull her legs in, butt up in the air & then for some reason will start to go onto her side & then FLOP, onto her back.  She's almost there - it wont be long & she will be crawling all over the place.


We are going to start feeding her some table food as long as what we are having can be "gummed" :)  She loves shoving those little puffs into her mouth by the handful & ate a graham cracker today pretty well.  Maybe its time for little pieces of food!


I think that's all for now - hopefully I will be able to write more often if I can get all the kids down for naps at the same time like I did today!  Woohoo!

Breastfeeding Struggles

Breastfeeding 

Breastfeeding is one of those topics.  I've talked to people who felt so strongly about breastfeeding you would think they might call CPS on you if you decide to formula feed.  There are others who don't even want to think about it as an option - they will formula feed from day one.  Other women might really want to try to breastfeed but it doesn't work out for one reason or the other & they switch to formula (or supplement).  Then there is me........


With Declan I tried breastfeeding - it was difficult.  More difficult than I thought it would ever be.  The issue was never not having a good enough milk supply - I had plenty of milk.  Instead, I just didn't "enjoy" it.  I want to say part of the reason was not being prepared - not knowing what to expect.  I never felt that bond I had heard other mothers say they feel when they nurse their precious little babies.  To me it was a job - a job only I could do and it annoyed me.  Every 2-3 hours (in the beginning) I was the only person who could feed my son while everyone else could do whatever they wanted.  They never had to stop what they were doing & go in the other room (if need be).  They never had to get up every 2-3 hours every night for the first few weeks.  They got to sleep...they got to leave the house for more than an hour...they got to do whatever they wanted without ever having a baby attached to them.


Yeah...I guess I was a bit jealous.  Which is ridiculous when you think about some of the women out there who so desperately wanted to breastfeed but couldn't.  How selfish of me, right?  I know - I've gone through all of those feelings myself.


Sadly, I only made it 5 weeks with Declan before switching to formula.  I didn't think it was "sad" at that point - I felt more of a relief than anything.  I didn't feel bad (at first) - I was able to sleep at night since Ryan was able to get up & make a bottle.  I thought, "This is great!"  Soon after switching to formula Declan started sleeping in longer stretches which was considering "sleeping through the night."


A friend of mine had a baby just a couple days before I had Declan.  As the months went on & she continued nursing while I switched to formula I started to feel more & more upset that I had given up.  I felt a sense of guilt & even jealousy.  She made it a year breastfeeding her child & I just gave up.  Sad.


At one point I looked into how to "re-lactate" - I never knew it was even possible but apparently some women have great success with it.  Soon after I researched it I found out I was pregnant again!


Here comes Averley :)  I was bound & determined to make it longer than 5 weeks.  If I could just get over that "hump" than it would be a bit easier.  That is what I kept telling myself in those first 6 weeks of getting up ALL THE TIME!


I think Averley was around 2 months when I decided to start pumping & giving her a bottle of mommy's milk instead of exclusively nursing.  I felt better knowing how much she was getting & although nursing was going fine for the most part she wasn't getting very good "nursing sessions" since I had to run around & make sure Declan was taken care of while I was nursing her.  Sit down, latch on, Declan needs something, get up...oh crap she unlatched, get Declan what he needs, sit down, latch back on - what? Declan needs something else?  Sorry Averley - your broken nursing session wasn't exactly what you wanted was it?


It just seemed easier to pump & feed her from a bottle - that way others can feed her if I need to do something else (there I go again..me me me).  As the weeks & months went on I continued to exclusively pump.  I have yet to have to supplement with formula (only because I have a supply stored in our deep freeze).  I am proud of myself for making it this far.  I do still nurse in the middle of the night - its just easier that way - but other than that she is fed from a bottle.


I have my struggles with pumping - especially during the days when I am babysitting 1 or 2 other kids.  Trying to schedule it out so all of the kids have their needs met & I can be stationed on the couch for 15 minutes every 3-5 hours can be a bit of a task.  There are days when I feel it would be so much easier if I didn't have to pump - technically, I don't.  I could try to switch back to nursing that way I wouldn't have to pump, then feed.  That actually takes up more of my time than it would to just nurse.  But then Averley will still not get the nursing sessions she needs/deserves.  With taking care of the other kids I will probably be up & running around even more than when it was just Declan.


Another option is to switch to formula.  I've battled this in my own mind almost every time I pump.  But then I think about how bad I felt "giving up" on Declan & I trudge through it.  I think about the difference in taste from breast milk to formula - then I feel bad about that (I know...so silly).  Its ridiculous, really...formula may not be AS good as breast milk, but its still pretty darn good & I sit here and feel bad about things that really don't matter.  It's so silly.


In the end, I'm just going to continue to battle through for as long as I can.  I've made it 5 months so far & I will just keep going 1 month at a time.  My next goal is to make it to 6 months.  I know I can do it - but what is important is not feeling guilty if I need to supplement for any reason.  It is OKAY.  It doesn't mean I love my daughter any less or that she won't be a healthy & thriving beautiful girl!


Breastfeeding is hard - Formula isn't bad - The end!