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June 30, 2011

Why Trash the Dress??

Recently I was able to be a part of what is called "Trash the Dress" - its where you get in your wedding gown & do the unthinkable....trash it!  The photographer from our wedding had asked for brides to do it & I was all for it.  Why you may ask? (Which, a lot of you have with very concerned & disapproving looks on your faces!)  A few reasons....

The first reason I will get to in a bit as it is why I am actually writing this blog.  The second reason - What else am I going to do with this dress?  It's not like I have this desire for my daughter to hopefully wear my dress on her wedding day - not to mention it will probably be out of style by then anyway (even though I feel my dress is super awesome). The third reason - WHY NOT?!?!?!

Channeling my inner "Bo Derek"
Okay - to get to the first reason I wanted to "Trash the Dress".  I need to preface this with I am sorry if I hurt anyone for saying some of the things I am going to say.  I will keep everything & everyone anonymous in order to protect you because I love you.  I have forgiven you & this is not to "bring it up again" but to help me work through emotions that I have felt since then.  Okay - hope you understand and here we go.

I chose to trash my dress mainly because I needed to.  I needed to do something to signify letting go of some of the things that went on before, during and after my wedding day.  My wedding was beautiful, don't get me wrong, but what I found out after the fact kind of tarnished my memories.  Thank God I did not know these things before or during my wedding because the day probably wouldn't have happened or certain people who are important to both Ryan & me would not have been allowed to be there.  We all know how important it is to have those we are close to & love to be there on such a significant day as a wedding so that would have been so difficult if that was the case.

Looking back on that day and those leading up to it, I see all of the signs that I should have noticed.  These people, whom I love dearly, hid certain things from a lot of us.  Maybe more people knew what was going on & I was just too ignorant to see it, I don't know.  I just wish things were different.  My wedding day - it was amazing, I had a wonderful time, things didn't go perfectly - which is okay, I'm married which is all that really matters....but learning things after the fact have made certain aspects of my wedding day tarnished.  Special parts of it that are supposed to be the best moments of your wedding....tarnished.  

Trashing my dress was a release.....a release of all these feelings I've been keeping bottled inside me since I learned of these things.  It was therapeutic even.  I am hoping I can move on from these tarnished memories & have a "re-wedding day" on our 5 year anniversary.  Just a little renewing of our vows, something little.  I feel I deserve it - yes, I said that...I deserve it.  Some may think I'm crazy when I say that because, truly, my wedding day was gorgeous - but I think those who are involved and know what I am talking about may understand what I mean when I say that.

I think all brides should "Trash the Dress" - even if you don't have a reason to like I did....because it was so much fun despite almost drowning a couple times and being completely sore from trying to channel my inner Bo Derek. :)


  There you have it.....the reason I "Trashed the Dress".

I do need to add - I am in love with these pictures.  I do not say that to "toot my own horn" because I honestly never in a million years felt like I could look the way I do in these pictures.  Especially after having 2 kids and seeing my body morph into a giant blob with skin that looks like a road map from all the stretch marks.  I've had my fair share of days in which I have felt nobody could/did find me pretty.  If I ever feel the slightest bit ugly or unattractive all I have to do is look at these pictures and I will feel like a supermodel again.  I can't thank our photographer enough, Joshua McCoy, for allowing me to be a part of this.  It was amazing in so many ways.  I may have been sore for 5 days after because apparently swimming in your wedding dress is extremely tiring for your muscles, but it was SO worth it.
This is by far my favorite picture

June 13, 2011

Bad Mommy Award Goes to Me!

I'm just going to start out saying it - Averley fell off our bed. :(  It was all my fault too.

Lately, when Averley wakes up at 5 or 6am, I bring her into our room & nurse her so I can still get a little bit more rest until she is really up for the day.  She usually falls asleep while nursing & I don't get up again until she wakes up (or Declan wakes up, whichever is first).  This morning, however, I had to wake up at 6:30 to get ready for *GASP* work.  Ryan gently wakes me up so not to disturb Averley sleeping in my arms.  I free my legs from under the sheets as quietly as I can & then I'm left with Averley's head laying on my right arm. am I going to maneuver this one without waking her up?  Ryan comes over & lightly lifts her head as I pull my arm out from under her.  She rustles a little bit but once Ryan put her head back down on the soft bed she was right back asleep, laying on her left side with her left arm under her head and her right arm flung back behind her (looked totally uncomfortable but it worked for her).

As I got up out of bed, I told Ryan I was afraid of her falling out of bed while I was in the shower.  He said he would stay there with her until I got out & he had to leave for work.  She stayed asleep the entire time I showered & got dressed.

Then I had to go out of the bedroom because the babysitter had arrived & Declan had woke up.  I kept checking in on her here & there making sure she was still sound asleep - each time she still hadn't moved.

It was now 7:30am, I was in the kitchen pouring Declan some milk when I heard it....the loud THUD that every mom hates to hear but knows what it is.  The THUD of your child falling out of bed. :(

I'm pretty sure I said a curse word & ran into the bedroom as Averley catched her breath so she could scream as loud as she knows how.  She's on all fours, face down to the ground, head hanging low, sad as can be.  I picked her up and held her as she screamed in fear of not knowing what the heck just happened.  All she did was roll over a couple times to see where she was as she slowly woke up from her deep sleep.  She sure did get a "wake up call" when she rolled right out of bed and hit the floor.  Awful....I feel awful...I'm a horrible mom.

I walked around with her for a little bit, walked into the living room where the babysitter was with Declan.  Averley reached out to her - "Get me away from this lady, she let me fall out of bed!"  She wasn't calming down so I took her back into the room & did what I knew would calm her down - nursed her.  She was still trying to catch her breath as she latched on - she just sat there, tears still on her face and welling up in her eyes, staring at me, still not knowing what the heck just happened - but she knew now that she was safe, secure, in her mommy's arms, cuddled up next to her favorite place :)

She sat there for a few just looking at me, trying to pick at my moles/freckles (apparently they are just so fascinating), then sat up & smiled.  All better!

She may have been all better - but I am still a bit traumatized.  I still feel terrible that I left her on my bed - I knew better.  I just didn't want to wake her.  Never again will I let this happen.

There you have it - after all that and I still had to leave for work...seriously?  Oh - and Aunt Flo arrived, the day just can't get any worse right?  UGH!!!!