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May 20, 2011

A whole lot of nothing turned into something

Where do I start?  When does it end?  That is kind of how I feel some days.  I am tired but can't sleep, so I'll write.

There are many things on my mind lately - especially with the death/murder of my sister's brother-in-law.  He was just 27 years old.  So young....wait, that's how old I am.  I can't imagine it.  I don't want to.  He is the youngest person I have ever known personally that has lost their life. sucks.

Seeing someone that young lying in a casket really puts your life into perspective.  It can be gone in a matter of seconds.  One decision, one choice, one mishap, one wrong turn, one minute later, one minute sooner, running the almost red light, rolling through the stop sign, stopping at the stop sign, saying no, saying yes, choosing to go out instead of staying doesn't matter what you do, any decision you make can possibly put you in the wrong place at the wrong time.  You just never know.  That sucks.

So what do you do?  Live life as a hermit, be scared for your life every single minute of every day?  Go crazy from the thought of not being safe if I step foot outside my door?  Some people say yes.....but will you truly be living?

This world sucks.  I have been talking to God a lot lately and one thing I have been saying over and over is the best & worst thing He ever did for us was give us a choice.  We ALWAYS seem to screw it up.  Well, maybe not always but we do screw up.  But, would I rather make my mistakes & learn from them or be a robot?

Its 11:20pm - I don't know the last time I saw that hour unless I was being woken up by Averley to snack on some mommy milk.  These past 2 weeks have been emotionally draining for a lot of my family members, so stressful many have lost more weight than they should in 2 weeks time & I don't know if they will ever feel like it will get better.

I feel like people take their family for granted.  We just assume we will get to see them tomorrow.  We assume they will be there.  We assume nothing will ever happen to them.  So we forget.....forget to call, forget to visit, forget to make time to get together, forget to say I love you.

One thing I love about my family is we always say "I love you" - always.  When we end a phone conversation, when we are (always) hugging goodbye, when we just drive by for a little visit - doesn't matter.  Even my 25 year old brother says it - even if he is at work or around his buddies.  We have a bond that most families never get a chance to know.  Its this underlying "thing" that we all feel, we all know is there & we all nurture every chance we get.

I should go to bed...but I want to leave you with one thing.  Don't take your family for granted.  Take as many pictures as you can, call them every chance you get, go visit them as much as you can.  You never know if you will get to see them tomorrow.  Good night & I love you!

1 comment:

  1. I love you and I am so blessed to be in a loving family that is so strong. I thank God everyday for you all. Thank you Heather so much for everything. Its been 38 days and it still feels like the first day. Very traumatic for all of us and we are just taking it day by day. A big loss for us and it will never ever be the same. All I can do is put this in God's hands and thank him over and over again for another day of my life and being able to spend it with my family. I know I am blessed. =) Love you Heather