I'm just going to start out saying it - Averley fell off our bed. :( It was all my fault too.
Lately, when Averley wakes up at 5 or 6am, I bring her into our room & nurse her so I can still get a little bit more rest until she is really up for the day. She usually falls asleep while nursing & I don't get up again until she wakes up (or Declan wakes up, whichever is first). This morning, however, I had to wake up at 6:30 to get ready for *GASP* work. Ryan gently wakes me up so not to disturb Averley sleeping in my arms. I free my legs from under the sheets as quietly as I can & then I'm left with Averley's head laying on my right arm. Hmmm....how am I going to maneuver this one without waking her up? Ryan comes over & lightly lifts her head as I pull my arm out from under her. She rustles a little bit but once Ryan put her head back down on the soft bed she was right back asleep, laying on her left side with her left arm under her head and her right arm flung back behind her (looked totally uncomfortable but it worked for her).
As I got up out of bed, I told Ryan I was afraid of her falling out of bed while I was in the shower. He said he would stay there with her until I got out & he had to leave for work. She stayed asleep the entire time I showered & got dressed.
Then I had to go out of the bedroom because the babysitter had arrived & Declan had woke up. I kept checking in on her here & there making sure she was still sound asleep - each time she still hadn't moved.
It was now 7:30am, I was in the kitchen pouring Declan some milk when I heard it....the loud THUD that every mom hates to hear but knows what it is. The THUD of your child falling out of bed. :(
I'm pretty sure I said a curse word & ran into the bedroom as Averley catched her breath so she could scream as loud as she knows how. She's on all fours, face down to the ground, head hanging low, sad as can be. I picked her up and held her as she screamed in fear of not knowing what the heck just happened. All she did was roll over a couple times to see where she was as she slowly woke up from her deep sleep. She sure did get a "wake up call" when she rolled right out of bed and hit the floor. Awful....I feel awful...I'm a horrible mom.
I walked around with her for a little bit, walked into the living room where the babysitter was with Declan. Averley reached out to her - "Get me away from this lady, she let me fall out of bed!" She wasn't calming down so I took her back into the room & did what I knew would calm her down - nursed her. She was still trying to catch her breath as she latched on - she just sat there, tears still on her face and welling up in her eyes, staring at me, still not knowing what the heck just happened - but she knew now that she was safe, secure, in her mommy's arms, cuddled up next to her favorite place :)
She sat there for a few just looking at me, trying to pick at my moles/freckles (apparently they are just so fascinating), then sat up & smiled. All better!
She may have been all better - but I am still a bit traumatized. I still feel terrible that I left her on my bed - I knew better. I just didn't want to wake her. Never again will I let this happen.
There you have it - after all that and I still had to leave for work...seriously? Oh - and Aunt Flo arrived, the day just can't get any worse right? UGH!!!!
Where do I start? When does it end? That is kind of how I feel some days. I am tired but can't sleep, so I'll write.
There are many things on my mind lately - especially with the death/murder of my sister's brother-in-law. He was just 27 years old. So young....wait, that's how old I am. I can't imagine it. I don't want to. He is the youngest person I have ever known personally that has lost their life. 27.....it sucks.
Seeing someone that young lying in a casket really puts your life into perspective. It can be gone in a matter of seconds. One decision, one choice, one mishap, one wrong turn, one minute later, one minute sooner, running the almost red light, rolling through the stop sign, stopping at the stop sign, saying no, saying yes, choosing to go out instead of staying in....it doesn't matter what you do, any decision you make can possibly put you in the wrong place at the wrong time. You just never know. That sucks.
So what do you do? Live life as a hermit, be scared for your life every single minute of every day? Go crazy from the thought of not being safe if I step foot outside my door? Some people say yes.....but will you truly be living?
This world sucks. I have been talking to God a lot lately and one thing I have been saying over and over is the best & worst thing He ever did for us was give us a choice. We ALWAYS seem to screw it up. Well, maybe not always but we do screw up. But, would I rather make my mistakes & learn from them or be a robot?
Its 11:20pm - I don't know the last time I saw that hour unless I was being woken up by Averley to snack on some mommy milk. These past 2 weeks have been emotionally draining for a lot of my family members, so stressful many have lost more weight than they should in 2 weeks time & I don't know if they will ever feel like it will get better.
I feel like people take their family for granted. We just assume we will get to see them tomorrow. We assume they will be there. We assume nothing will ever happen to them. So we forget.....forget to call, forget to visit, forget to make time to get together, forget to say I love you.
One thing I love about my family is we always say "I love you" - always. When we end a phone conversation, when we are (always) hugging goodbye, when we just drive by for a little visit - doesn't matter. Even my 25 year old brother says it - even if he is at work or around his buddies. We have a bond that most families never get a chance to know. Its this underlying "thing" that we all feel, we all know is there & we all nurture every chance we get.
I should go to bed...but I want to leave you with one thing. Don't take your family for granted. Take as many pictures as you can, call them every chance you get, go visit them as much as you can. You never know if you will get to see them tomorrow. Good night & I love you!
Easter weekend - filled with food, fun & family. Egg coloring, egg hunts, candy, Easter baskets, getting together with family, getting dressed up for church - all a part of the fun Easter weekend. Unless you lived in our house this weekend!
It began Friday in the early morning hours, somewhere around 1:00am - Averley is crying. I go & nurse her back to sleep, back to bed I go. 2:15am - Averley is crying. I go & nurse her back to sleep, back to bed I go. 3:15am - Averley is crying. I go in to give her her pacifier, she's burning up. I go get the Tylenol, give her a dose, nurse her back to sleep. I'm exhausted at this point. She wakes up again at 6:30am - still very warm. Declan wakes up with a cough & a slight fever. And so it begins.....
Friday:
Declan starts out with diarrhea & a temp of 100.4. Averley has a temp of 101.5. This day wasn't too bad, Averley slept quite a bit but Declan only napped for an hour.
Friday night into Saturday morning:
Kids are in bed by 8pm. Declan sleeps through the night with the occasional cough disturbing his slumber - but ends up sleeping 13 hours. Averley is up so many times throughout the night I lost count. At one point Ryan is up with her for an hour as she sleeps on his chest until the dishwasher that was on a delayed start turns on & wakes her up. Ryan had stripped her down to just her diaper because she was so hot - when the dishwasher woke up her he noticed she had pooped & it had gotten all over his shirt, pants, the couch & her. Diarrhea. Yuck. I wake up & take over to give him a break. Throughout the night we just keep rotating each time she would wake up.
Saturday:
We called the pediatrician's office & found they were actually open! Declan had acquired a croupy cough & Averley's temp topped out at 102, Declan's at 101.4. We took the kids to the doctor around 10:30am. Ears look fine, breathing sounds ok, throats look good - only thing is they are running this fever, have diarrhea & Declan's cough. We were told they more than likely have a virus that hits children across the nation around this time of year. They had seen a lot of it that week (along with strep throat). They gave us a prescription for a steroid for Declan to help with the inflammation of his vocal cords & told us to continue what we were doing. Gave us some things to look for in case they didn't get better but for the most part we just have to wait out the virus.
Saturday night into Sunday morning:
Declan slept through the night again. Averley was up around 2am, I gave her some Tylenol, then she was up again at 3:15 for an hour with Ryan, again at 5:30am with me - at this time she actually fell asleep in my arms while I was rocking her. I tried to sleep in the chair in her room with her but it was just way too uncomfortable. I put her down, she wakes up but I leave the room. I guess she fell asleep because I didn't wake up again until 7:30am.
Sunday:
Oh man - today was the culmination of lack of sleep for everyone. I don't know if there was a point during this day that Declan was not whining about something. But it wasn't his fault....he was over tired. We had Easter lunch at Ryan's Aunt's house at 1pm - only we didn't actually eat until 1:45pm. Had we known lunch was going to be LATE we would have stayed home a while longer & let the kids take a nap. Declan was so tired he didn't even want to eat - would have much rather cried. Poor guy. They both fell asleep on the car ride over but woke up as soon as we opened the van doors. By the time we got home at 2:30 both kids were exhausted, crying & I was at my wits end. I was frustrated that we weren't given a heads up about the late lunch, I was tired from lack of asleep, I was annoyed by all the crying - I needed a nap myself. Thankfully Ryan was okay with my taking that much needed nap. I slept for about 2 hours - I probably could have slept longer if I didn't feel a little guilty about taking that nap.
My side of the family was having Easter dinner at my brother's house - I drove over to drop off a broccoli casserole & pick up some left overs for us. I called everyone in the house & not one person answered the phone....I was already feeling sorry for myself & then nobody answering their phone just made me even more sad. By the time I got there I was about ready to crack. My mom, sister & nephew met me at the door & I was so into how awful my whole weekend had been that I couldn't even crack a smile & say Happy Easter to my nephew. Ridiculous! I couldn't even really make eye contact with anyone or I would have burst into tears right there. I got hugs from my mom & sister, grabbed my food & left.
I let it out on the drive home - I let myself cry. I didn't realize how not being with my family on a holiday made me feel. Just thinking about how much fun they were having while I was at home with crabby, sick kids. Then I started feeling sorry for myself again. Pathetic!
I was so thankful when the kids went to bed - EARLY! I don't think I could have taken much more. I'm certain there will be more days/weekends/holidays just like this one & patience for these trying times probably comes over time. I am so thankful the weekend is over.
It is now Monday - Averley woke up with no fever. Declan is still crabby but I am putting that on the steroids he is taking, which this is the last day for them.
I'm sure nobody really cares to read my hour by hour weekend, haha - but this is really more to have documentation than anything. Some day the kids can read this & see everything they have put us through! haha :)~ I love my kids!
Well, its been a while since I last posted. The reason being - I've been busy. In all of my free time I have been working on a secret project that still has to remain a secret until I finish it. I will post pictures as soon as it is finished. What kind of project you may ask? Well, that is a secret too. If I tell you what kind of project it will give it away. So - look for my big reveal in a few weeks. YES - it is/has taken me this long to work on it & get it finished!
On to my next thought: Breastfeeding!
A while ago I blogged about the struggles I have had with breastfeeding. How I didn't really enjoy it & it was just difficult for me so I moved on to pumping & feeding from a bottle except at night. About a month after that post I met with someone & she talked to me about the importance of having the baby at the breast & the little extra stuff that happens with the baby's saliva & some other stuff I don't really remember.
So, I went home & tried it again. I grabbed Averley, sat down on the couch & attempted the dreaded task of breastfeeding that I just didn't enjoy. Averley latched on like it was nothing & we had the best breastfeeding experience ever. HALLELUJAH! As long as she continues to latch on so easily & nurses well I am DONE pumping!
Two months later & we are still exclusively breastfeeding....AND ENJOYING IT! I get it now - I get how a mother & child has that bonding time. I get why some mom's don't want to give up that night time feeding. I get how personal it is. I get how mom's love breastfeeding. It took me this long but I SO get it now.
Nursing Averley to sleep at night, watching her eyes slowly shut, listening to her cute little hums as she drifts into sleep, her arm flailing around like a crazy lady praising Jesus & then it smacking onto my chest leaving a little red hand print, her cold hands on my warm skin, her tiny sharp fingernails scratching places that I don't want scratched as she kneads my boob trying to get the milk faster, our eyes locked onto each other - I smile at her, she grins at me as milk dribbles out the sides of her mouth. I love it...I love it all. Why did I miss out on this in the beginning?? It is so beautiful!
On to my other thoughts......
Declan & his ABC's!
Declan is beginning to repeat letters & it is SO stinkin' cute. Watching the way he moves his cute little mouth to form the letters is something I could watch all day. When he says 'O' his little lips move to one side of his mouth & his sweet little voice sounds adorable. He loves the letter 'T' & 'O' - he will find those 2 letters on our fridge magnets & bring them to me.
He has also added a few more words to his vocabulary. He now says pawpaw for Grampa (yes, I know that is spelled wrong but that is what it is!). He says 'Bell' for Annabelle. We think he said Ashton today too....not sure though :)
He is at the most fun age right now. Wrestling around, cuddling, dancing, wanting to be independent. Loves to be outside when the weather permits. SO very much looking forward to the summer.
Averley
She is a rolling machine - which frustrates her to no end because she sometimes isn't wanting to roll but crawl & instead...she flops over onto her back. Then she cries out of frustration. Its pretty funny. She will be on her belly, pull her legs in, butt up in the air & then for some reason will start to go onto her side & then FLOP, onto her back. She's almost there - it wont be long & she will be crawling all over the place.
We are going to start feeding her some table food as long as what we are having can be "gummed" :) She loves shoving those little puffs into her mouth by the handful & ate a graham cracker today pretty well. Maybe its time for little pieces of food!
I think that's all for now - hopefully I will be able to write more often if I can get all the kids down for naps at the same time like I did today! Woohoo!
This past Saturday - March 26th - our family was able to be a part of a wonderful event called "A Dai of Hope - Adaila Roach Benefit Concert". Adaila is the 5 1/2 year old daughter of a good friend of mine & faces a multitude of health struggles. Her mom, Megan, is who I have to thank for my relationship with Jesus Christ. She was the first person who invited me to church when I moved from Muncie to Indianapolis. It was her & her family who kept me involved in the church & were my mentors as I went through my teenage years.
I almost feel indebted to Megan & her family because I don't know where I would be in my life had they not taken the time to care about my salvation. Being a part of this concert that will help pay for Adaila's medical bills & give her family one less thing they have to worry about so they can focus fully on Adaila (& their family) is the least I can do.
The whole day was so emotional. There were lots of fun things to do, great bands, artists & groups performing, vendor booths, silent auctions, food - wherever you looked you could find things to do. There was always that "thing", though, that we all knew why we were there. The whole day was dedicated to a brave & strong 5 1/2 year old who has gone through more than most of us have gone through in our 20, 30, 40 years of life. That is what made it so emotional.
During the event they had a Father/Daughter dance where Adaila's dad, Dustin, held his beautiful Princess Adaila & danced to the song "The Climb". It was an emotional dance & "strong" me held back my tears - then I looked over at Megan's dad (Adaila's grandpa).....I lost it. Don doesn't hold back his tears, and really, who could when you know how much your grandchild goes through on a daily basis but still has a beautiful smile on her face. Goodness, I'm crying right now just thinking about it!
After many, many, MANY months of dadadada dada da da dadadada..dada? dada? dada? dada! DADA! FINALLY Declan has learned to say mama. We have been working with him a lot on his words since he doesn't talk much yet but 'mama' was the 1st priority, of course. The funny thing is how he says it. He is so proud of himself when he says it, mostly because I just beam with excitement every time I hear it come out of his mouth - it always takes me a minute to realize what he just said since I'm not used to hearing it. But he will say it, and its not just a plain old, "mama" - its Declan's own, unique way of saying my name. It mostly sounds like 'maw' or 'maaah' with an 'a' that sounds like how you say apple. Its hilarious & as often as he says it now, when I'm sitting next to him, when I walk out of the room, when I'm on the toilet, you get the point I sometimes wish he didn't know how to say it! haha - not really, but it is kind of funny to hear him say 'maah!!'
He's also added 'cheese' to his vocabulary. His words are coming along, although slow, but he's getting there. I think he is just making sure he knows what everything is before he really starts putting them into words.
Declan does this sound - its almost like his "yes" when we ask him a question & he wants to do it or wants a certain food we asked him about. It is the cutest thing ever because his face lights up, he makes the sound & the shape of his mouth when he says it just makes me smile. He is so darn cute - I love him to pieces!!!
It all started with a cough on Saturday, February 26th. That cough turned into sneezing, runny nose, more cough - by Tuesday Declan had a 103.5 fever. Averley had started with the cough, sneezing & runny nose as well but no fever.
We rotated Tylenol & Ibuprofen all day Tuesday, by the end of the day he was running around like he was fine. You could tell he wasn't though - he still had that puffy face & glossy eye look about him. He went to bed that night with a temp of 99.4.
Averley....she was having many issues with sleeping that night. Her cough was waking her up, she was choking on her saliva, snot was running down her nose, she was a mess. Her & I camped out on the couch all night since the only way she was able to fall asleep was laying on my chest. By midnight I ended up stripping us both down so we could do some skin to skin & give her easy access to the human pacifier. I was hoping that would soothe her at least a little. That night I got less sleep than I did in the first few weeks of having a newborn. I was exhausted & so was Averley.
By mid-day Wednesday, Averley was such a mess she just cried for an hour. She couldn't sleep, she was exhausted, coughing constantly, crying because it hurt to cough, on and on and on. At one point I cried with her - I felt terrible. I'm the mommy, I'm suppose to be able to heal everything, to make my children feel better, that is my job, my duty - I couldn't. I felt so helpless & hurt for my baby girl. Not to mention I was very sleep deprived.
Ryan finally called the doctor & set up an appointment for both kids Thursday morning. Thursday night went a little better, but Averley was still up more than she normally is. She actually puked from coughing so hard when Ryan was up with her. She slept from 7pm-10:30pm, went back to sleep around 11pm, back up at 1am from coughing but put herself back to sleep. Up again around 1:30am from coughing, put herself back to sleep. Woke up again at 3am to eat, diaper change, back asleep at 3:40am. Up at 5am - went back to sleep at some point (Ryan had her) then woke back up at 5:45am. I was able to catch up on a little bit of sleep until 7:15am but I am still exhausted.
The doctor visit went better than expected - Declan does not have the flu, but does have an ear infection & bad cold/cough. We are treating it with antibiotics, benadryl, Ibuprofen & honey. Averley has a bad cough/cold & is teething....can't really do much for her except try to soothe her as much as we can.
I do have a Baltic Amber teething necklace in the mail - really excited for that to come in & see if it works as well as everyone says they do. It can't get here soon enough!!!!!!!!!!
Pray for this house....we are all so tired & on edge.
